Help with Premature Ejaculation

In my Tantra practice, the most common sexual dysfunction that men come to me with is premature ejaculation. It is also the easiest problem to correct.

“Premature ejaculation is ejaculation that occurs shortly after penetration and before the person wishes. Because this can create dissatisfaction in both partners, it can create tension and anxiety that can, in turn, worsen the condition. Causes may include anxiety, depression, and more.” – WebMD

After studying data gathered by the National Health and Social Life Survey, sociologist Edward Laumann, PhD, estimated that a third of American men complain that they ejaculate too quickly. They want to last longer during intercourse to prolong the pleasure, both for themselves and their partners.

Possible causes for premature ejaculation:

Psychological factors:

  • New partner. Anxiety, guilt, or depression.
  • Fear of being caught masturbating or having sex.

Physical factors:

  • Tight PC muscle.
  • Masturbation habits: high intensity masturbation may pattern the brain for quick orgasm.
  • If it has been a long time since the last ejaculation.
  • Too much sexual energy stuck in the groin area.

Ways to overcome it:

With a help of a Tantric massage therapist:

The quickest way to overcome premature ejaculation is to find a Tantric massage therapist who is properly trained in releasing sexual tension from the groin area (by using a specific pressure point technique) and is able to move your sexual energy to other parts of your body. Eventually helping you to achieve full body orgasm instead of just having a quick genital orgasm.

What you can do on your own:

Learn different relaxation techniques such as yoga and meditation to be able to calm your body and mind more easily.

Relaxing the pelvic floor (PC) muscles:

Exercises for extending the relaxation are called reverse Kegels.

Reverse Kegels are a good way to balance and relax the pelvic floor.

To get a sense of what this feels like; while urinating, focus on supplying the penis with more energy so that you urinate at a faster rate. The process is the same as releasing the muscles when you are ejaculating.

Roll up a towel and sit on it with the towel pushing against your pelvic floor muscles. Breathe through your abdomen rather than just with your chest. At the end of your inhalation flex your pelvic floor muscle (the front) a little, then exhale and focus on relaxing your pelvic floor muscle. Breathe down into it, not forcing it, but allowing it to expand.

Reverse Kegel exercises can take time to master because it involves a sophisticated control of your pelvic floor muscles. It’s important to feel generally calm and relaxed when you start (not rushed) so that there is no tension or stress built up in the area. Do it at 10 times in the morning and 10 times at night.

With a help of a partner:

Make sure to choose partners who are open minded and understanding. Be willing to talk about your issues openly. Most women are very understanding and want to help. Here are some tips on how your partner can help you:

Make sure that when you do have sex, you are in a calm environment where you won’t be distracted.

Give each other a nice, slow sensual massage avoiding the genital are at first. Do that for at least a ½ hour. When you are ready to touch the genital area, ask your partner to do gentle and slow strokes. Tell her that you will signal her when you are getting close to ejaculation and she will stop stroking you. She can massage your other body parts while you are calming down, then resume with slow gentle strokes again. Eventually your body will get used to being touched this way and you won’t have the urge to ejaculate. When you decide to have sex, also go really slowly. Avoid fast and hard movements, stop as you are getting close to ejaculation. You can even remove your penis from her vagina and give her pleasure while you are calming down. Eventually you will be able to play like this for hours if you like  🙂